Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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