walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
