Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
