I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
