This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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