Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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