he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
