I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize