just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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