At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
