You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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