I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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