dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
