i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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