I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
