The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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