i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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