Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
