I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
