dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
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