And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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