Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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