can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize