Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
