just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
