just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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