I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
