This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
