Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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