Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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