Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
