I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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