you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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