:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
