Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
