So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
