i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
