Michael Bay diarrhea
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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