drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
