Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
