and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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