Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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