she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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