Your tits are I can't wait for
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize