did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
