We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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