Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
