My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
