Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
