Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
