I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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