just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
