he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
