Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
