I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
