This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
