Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize