I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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