Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
