awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
