Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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