i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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