I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize