like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
