This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
