i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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