wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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