Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize