I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
