This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
