That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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