Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
