You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
