Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
