I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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