my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
