you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
