shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
