What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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