Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
